Lose some, Gain some
The rabbit hole goes deep. Real deep. A broken and untrusting heart caused by broken friendships brings out a type of honesty that only a select group of people can understand. Of course, I don't want anyone to actually relate, because if you can, that means you've experienced some sort of heartache and pain by a person you once called "friend."
I've lost a few "friends" over the years, not by death, just a parting of ways. Some of the friendships ended because of them and some because of me.
It's hard to admit that some people have walked away on the account of me but it's important for me to own that I may have played a part in their departure.
While I won't go into every minute detail of my past friendships, I will say that the ending of something is never easy. Whether it is a relationship with a significant other or a friendship with someone you once considered your bestie. It all sucks and it all hurts, but there is a light at the end of the very poorly lit tunnel.
And that light is God's sovereignty. He never lets us have an experience without it somehow working it out for our good—even the loss of a dear friend or lover. If you allow the Lord to heal you from that loss as opposed to walking around wounded and masking your pain, God will give you this perceptive hindsight and show you all the reasons that relationship had run its course in your life—that's what He did for me.
Healing, you ask? It didn't happen overnight, as a matter of fact, it took quite some time for me to even realize I was just covering a gaping hole in my heart with pieces of material reminiscent of paper mâché not realizing I needed something stronger, something that only God's love could provide. On the outside it appeared as if I had moved on, and I started to believe it myself—truth is I was still quite hurt. It wasn't until I stopped running from the pain that I even admitted I was hurting and needed God to perform a spiritual surgery to heal me and bring restoration as only He can.
Once I was truly healed and came to a place of acceptance, I could plainly see that the friendships that ended, had to.
For me, after God gave me that perceptive hindsight, I realized that there was a point in my life when I was constantly turning friends for wisdom and advice without ever praying and considering God or what His word says.
That's just my story. There are many other reasons some people are only in our lives for certain seasons. For example, we can be on different paths as our close friends. The bible asks, "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Amos 3:3 KJV.
Just like dating relationships some friendships can be unequally yoked. It could be a situation where God has changed your heart and you no longer have a desire for things of the world while you have a friend who is unwilling to accept your change or even change themselves. How can that friendship thrive?
Sometimes God will allow us to experience loss that we may have true relationship with Him. He has the ability to see what we are often not able to see and puts us in position to gain much more than we "lose".
We may never fully know how a loss may be worked out for the other people but sometimes, maybe, it's only for us. I can't say that with absolute certainty, but God always knows best. The bible says, “for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:8 NIV.) I'm not saying God orchestrated any pain in my life (that's another post) but it certainly didn't catch Him by surprise.
So, I'm not sorry for any of it, because God is faithful even in loss unimaginable. Even when our human eyes fail to see the good, our good God always sees and He's made us a promise in Romans 8:28, "that all (even the loss of a relationship) things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.” In the loss of friendship, I've received so much more than I could've ever imagined.
The moral of this story is seasons change and so do people, but God always remains the same and you can always count on Him to be that friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Prayer: Lord, help us to accept when some chapters come to a close. Heal our hearts from broken friendships and relationships and let us feel your love that covers any pain that we have ever felt. Help us to count these losses as gains for Your Glory, and continue to love others regardless. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.